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I live something like 15 hours from Duke and I have never been there, but after the Blue Devils 1st round debacle vs. Lehigh, I feel like I’ve contaminated the entire aura of Duke basketball. I have a few theories on How and Why this happened. I root for the “B” teams of New York, the JV if you will. The Knicks are the B squad and they are the only NBA team in NY.

The Other Teams I root for:

New York Jets – The Jets are my favorite sports team. I kind of hate them too. The Jets don’t always finish in last place, sometimes they even make playoff runs. But there is never a doubt in my mind that these playoff runs will all end with the same sequence: 1. Taking the lead 2. Stupid mistakes 3. Inconceivable gut-wrenching losses.

Draft Day was always fun growing up. How are the Jets going to make themselves the joke of the NFL this year? Since 1983 they have passed on Dan Marino, Brett Favre, Emmitt Smith, and Warren Sapp. Instead we went with Ken O’Brien, Browning Nagle, Blair Thomas and Kyle Brady. They all sucked. Here is a video of Jets fans watching their dogs get killed. Wait, it’s just Jets fans on Draft Day.

Jenn Sterger, Highlight of the 2008 season

Until about 7 years ago when Herm Edwards left, I barely thought of the Jets as a real franchise (Herm had an assistant whose sole purpose was to tell him when to take timeouts. His name was Dick Curl, seriously). Just when things start looking up with Revis and friends, Rex Ryan makes foot fetish videos and Brett Favre sends Jenn Sterger cell phone pics of his little backup QB.

New York Knicks – The Knicks were not a real franchise for the decade of the 2000′s. Isaiah Thomas is the worst GM in the history of modern sports. He was 56-108 as a coach. Never won a playoff game. Gave Stephon Marbury, Eddy Curry, and Jerome James over $150 Million United States American Real Life Dollars. The Knicks got sued because he sexually harassed some ugly chick and had to pay $12 Million. When I heard he was in the hospital because he tried to kill himself, I thought “Jeez he can’t even do that right.”

New York Mets - There have been some extreme peaks and valleys with these guys. I missed their first World Series win by 16 years. And for their 2nd win, I like to tell people that I was so excited that crapped my pants (I was a year old, sounds about right). They came excruciatingly close in 2006. Endy Chavez made an absurd catch to keep the game tied in the 8th inning of Game 7 of the NLCS. Probably the best catch ever made. Fully extended, arm over wall.

Worst quality video ever, but you get the point:

Here is the sick thing about this play to me. Right after it happened I remember thinking that I knew the Mets were going to lose. It would just be too good to be true. You can’t make a ridiculous play AND win a championship. Right David Tyree? Mario Manningham? Derek Jeter? Hmm.  A psychologist would probably diagnose this as some kind of a defeatist attitude. I have a serious case of schaudenfreude as well, but that’s for another time.

Duke Blue Devils – So what does this all have to do with Duke? Duke is my favorite team and I lump them in with my New York teams. All of my New York teams have the same crippling impotence when it comes to winning meaningful games. Even though Duke has won 4 NCAA titles, I still fully expect them to blow every game.

Before I watched Duke’s game vs. Lehigh, I watched Norfolk State beat Missouri with a friend of mine. He said to me, “this is pathetic.” I told him Norfolk State played pretty well and I wasn’t surprised. He said “Are you crazy? What, you think Lehigh can beat Duke?” and I said “Yes, it wouldn’t surprise me, Duke isn’t that good.” Well, they’re ranked #6 in the country and were a #2 seed in the tournament. But I could see right through them, and although the loss was very painful it wasn’t that surprising.

Sorry Duke, you’re infected and there is no cure.

P.S. The real reason Duke sucks right now is because Coach K recruits these guys:

Part of Coach K's master plan?

Instead of these guys:

Boozer actually did go to Duke, but it's a great picture.